Saturday, March 28, 2009

Yet Another Reason Why Florida Sucks Monkey Poo

We still have a good 5+ months to go before SEC football starts, but I thought I'd go ahead and just remind everyone that Florida sucks.

Um, yeah.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

BEST Movie of All Time

Because I recently posted a one-minute version of Forrest Gump - the second best movie of all time, I figured that the BEST movie of all time also deserved a nod. This version is what the last 20 minutes of Shawshank Redemption would be, had it been made in 1983. Totally AWESOME (I think that may be Frank Stallone singing...).

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

You Keep That Change. I Just Bought A Gun.

In my 37 years on the planet, I've probably not really liked guns for about 34 of those years. I mean, they kill things, and I've never really been a huge fan of killing. That is, until I met with my arch nemesis, Mr. Skunk, about a year and a half ago on my new property. For those of you who don't know the story, here's the Reader's Digest version: When we first moved into our country home, my sweet boxer, Tess Larue, went outside at 5 am to do her morning business. My dog is enough reason to believe in God. She's a ball of unconditional, sweet love, uber-friendly to all creatures. She probably saw a shadow lurking on the side of the house and thought, "hey, that could be a friend...I should greet that new friend in the U-formation (this is when she is so happy that she greets you with both her ass and her face simultaneously)." I can see her doing this exact thing, and then Mr. Skunk looks at her and immediately sprays her with his skunkified butt juice in hasty retort. Regardless of what actually transpired that day, Tess was not only physically harmed, but I believe she was emotionally scarred. She was just trying to be a neighborly little gal, and Mr. Skunk went all prick-face on her. Not cool, Mr. Skunk. Not cool at all.

Is this a reason to kill him? Perhaps it's not quite enough, but when I saw him on the back two acres at 4 pm on a sunny September afternoon, I knew that he was up to no good. They're nocturnal, and he was taunting me. Just staring at me with his little skunk eyes, as if to say, "the sweet little Dane puppy is next, beyotch." Since that day, I've vowed to shoot him. I actually looked at him and said, "I will kill you, you little sh*t."

The timing is right, I guess. Since Obama's been in office, gun sales have gone up in a crazy way - mainly because there's been talk of his administration trying to outlaw certain types. Even if I didn't always aspire to having a gun, the notion of the RIGHT to have one being taken away was enough to make me want to buy one. Yesterday. First, it was that dirty little skunk. Then, it was our current President who pushed me over the edge to finally get one.

So, I am now the proud owner of a brand-spanking new, beautiful rifle with a kick-butt digital scope. I plan to go to my local military base and take a class on proper care, firing, and respect of my firearm. And then I shall show Mr. Skunk that I mean business.

Next on the list? The Chanel gun-shoe, of course.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Second Best Movie of All Time

If you've read my blog, you know my obsession with the two best movies of all time: Shawshank Redemption and Forrest Gump. Of course, my third favorite is probably Almost Famous, but that's a whole other genre in itself.

I've been so busy these past few weeks that I've not been able to sit down and watch Forrest Gump on AMC or TBS (because it's on just about every other weekend, as you know). As a result, I've resorted to this version - the minute long one.

Go ahead. Enjoy it with me.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

The Shamwow Song

Husband man and I went to the Indy Home Show several weeks ago. The only thing I cared about and/or wanted to buy was ShamWows. I'm completely obsessed with them, and they're everything they have been advertised to be.

So, you can only imagine the sheer joy I experienced when Husband man pointed out to me today that there's a new video to further elevate the ShamWow status.

Behold - the ShamWow song. Again, you can thank me later.

Friday, March 06, 2009

One week down, and having No Doubt....

It's been a week since I started with my pal, Mock. So far, so good. We've even sent an email to Jeb Bush, and he ANSWERED us. I believe he may be reading the site right this second. In fact, he may be reading THIS site right this second, which means he's going to be able to jam out to one of my favorite songs.

In honor of our first week of trying to re-brand the conservative party, I am going to buy tickets to see No Doubt this summer. I'm giddy. While at the Gwen concert almost 2 years ago, my buddy Leroy and I proclaimed that we'd absolutely see No Doubt when they reunited. Now we have our chance.

It's a good Friday. Enjoy some Gwen. You can thank me later.